1. |
ready, set, go
04:59
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when we first met
i showed you all that i was
and i never deviated from that
how my first and second thoughts were
greedy little monsters
who didn’t mind you in debt
you gave me all
i ever needed and more
but the more had things that i couldn’t take
like decoded motivation
misinterpretation
of every move i’d make
you wanted me
to write more songs about you
and now i can’t stop
we’re no longer together
accord suddenly severed
i’m breathless from the shock
while you’re so
ready, set, go
and you’re off to the races
off on your own
no familiar faces
ready, set, go
and so sure of where you’re going
ready, set, go
and off to the races
off on your own
my familiar face is
crying by the road
i don’t know where you’re going
when you first left
you showed me all that you are
and i’ve finally made some sense out of that
how you first take all you want you
greedy little monster
and then throw out the rest
teach me to be
your weekend chauffeur and whore
how to fuck, what to think, and when to feel
don’t know when i lost control of
my will to tell you no but
you stole it for a meal
you wanted me
to write more songs about you
they’re all about me
i’m the light for your reflection
your eyes have full discretion
to allow me to be
but you’re so
ready, set, go
and you’re off to the races
off on your own
no familiar faces
ready, set, go
and so sure of where you’re going
ready, set, go
and off to the races
off on your own
my familiar face is
crying by the road
i don’t know where you’re going
turn, turn, turn, turn
turn, turn, turn, turn
cover that ground
with those tears and disgraces
spread ‘em around
make it wider in places
salt the earth now
leave us nowhere left to go
cover that ground
with those tears and disgraces
spread ‘em around
make it wider in places
salt circles now
leave us nowhere left to go
turn, turn, turn, turn
turn, turn, turn, turn
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2. |
into wine
04:30
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i take you back when you ask it
that's a simple fact miss
it's just the way this always goes
like i was yours from the first day
don't matter what i say
it's how you fit the shape of my home
i feel the pull you would feel
when you'd take me out in heels
but i feel it for you all the time
you and i are nowhere
somewhere you disappeared
but i don't remember losing my mind
i turn your water into wine
trade you a kiss and stay the night
i take your love i take your time
i am still yours are you still mine
let me rephrase let me get clear
stay tf away dear
now i've finally figured you out
why i was yours from the first day
why i gave up my say
why you fit the shape of my heart
i feel the way you would steal
keep ya girl under your heel
keep her down there for you for all time
you and i are not here
i'm stuck where you disappeared
realizing my body wasn't mine
i turn your water into wine
trade you a kiss and stay the night
i take your love i take your time
i am still yours are you still mine
i turn your water into wine
trade you a kiss and stay the night
i take your love i take your time
i am still yours are you still mine
are you still mine are you still mine
are you still mine are you still mine
are you still mine are you still mine
are you still mine
this is the pain, baby, pain, baby
that you never use my name, baby, name
when you blame it on me
and now i see you’ve been playing
what you've been through before
with all that shame, baby, shame, baby
what'd they teach you about names, baby, names, baby
and what they mean
it's so much pain, baby, playing
what you've been through before
you say i'm an in-between girl
a know-what-i-mean girl
a now-everything-is-all-about-me girl
but i'm a destroy-every-belief girl
a right-in-front-of-you
here-and-now-for-real girl
an in-between girl
know what i mean girl
i'm not vinegar 'til
you leave me here girl
nobody needs belief girl
i'm right in front of you are you still mine
are you still mine are you still mine
are you still mine are you still mine
are you still mine are you still mine
are you still mine
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3. |
absent company
03:31
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so in absent company
when you run off to get her
and i feel unsafe as me
just another debtor
i can’t practice japanese
i can’t face your letters
is these fingertips complete
did you finish with that
you always give up on me
while i’m deeply intertwined
in our holiest sanctuary
where you show that you’re a lie
my liberal bourgeoisie
got it all together
with your polite supremacy
in myopic letters
wow much generosity
buy up praise and badges
and discard the rest of me
in your minoa u sweater
when your eyes go blind to me
when your music is my scream
if a song is what you need
then a song is what i’ll sing
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4. |
bitter doors
04:52
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are you rea-rea-rea-rea-ready
to go home alone
well i am drea-drea-drea-drea-dreading
it it’s the unknown
am i so stu-stu-stu-stu-stuck
in my peculiar ways
they’re only pe-pe-pe-peculiar
to my alien race
so am i out of my mind
or are you just stuck inside yours
or is it something we’ll find
that lies between these bitter doors
am i out of my mind
or are you just stuck inside yours
or is it something we’ll find
that lies between these bitter doors
you wanna know know know
what’s happening inside my head
well i can’t tell tell tell tell tell
there are no words for it
what do i call call call call call
a color i’ve never seen
how do i ma-ma-ma-ma-make
a sound i’m still hearing
so am i out of my mind
or are you just stuck inside yours
or is it something we’ll find
that lies between these bitter doors
am i out of my mind
or are you just stuck inside yours
or is it something we’ll find
that lies between these bitter doors
hey hey
i get so hung up on the ways that i am different
but when there’s music i start moving to the rhythm and
i’ve noticed that you do the same
but when
you flash a smile and i can’t read that expression
is it only happy or ironic or is it chagrined
or something else that i can’t name
i don’t feel safe
just out of place
i don’t feel sane
i don’t feel sane
i don’t feel sane
so am i out of my mind
or are you just stuck inside yours
or is it something we’ll find
that lies between these bitter doors
so am i out of my mind
or are you just stuck inside yours
or is it something we’ll find
that lies between these bitter doors
hey hey
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5. |
the death i deserve
05:15
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no
baby don’t do this
you know we been through this
ten times before
i know
like i always knew this
but could never prove it
my love for you
like planes into buildings
or drones overhead
all these armed misunderstandings
collecting their dead
i’ve been dying for years now
but you slowed me down
and i wish that you’d never
i wish that i’d drowned
that’s the death i deserve
anonymous and sure
take me down
take me down
where no
body eats nothing
where nobody feels
nobody feels
where i can die slowly
like i did before
without ever living
without being more
where lions and tigers
and bears pass me by
saying
this one is poisoned
we’d best let her lie
that’s the death i deserve
anonymous and sure
take me down
take me down
no
baby don’t do this
i know you’re in pain
i know it’s my fault
i know
that nobody knew this
masks never prove it
and that’s all we’ve been
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6. |
smashing fantasy
03:38
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you could choose me but you don’t
you choose to tell me that
you would choose me every time
but when you say a thing what’s true
is that it’s come from you
and you’ve said it and that’s all
i’ve been waiting my whole life
to find someone that i
can count on to love me
and when the pain of it subsides
i wake to find that i died
before i was three
so whatever you do
don’t tell me what is true
don’t tell me what will be
just show me who you
are by way of what you choose
for someone you can’t see
so whatever you do
don’t tell me what is true
don’t tell me what will be
just show me who you
are by way of what you choose
for someone you don’t need
you can’t choose me so you don’t
you still choose to tell me that
you would choose me every time
but when you say a thing what’s true
is the forever of you
saying forever’s ten months long
i’ve been wading my whole life
through lies that are all white
in a country they call free
but oh reality is right
before me all the time
what smashing fantasy
so whatever you do
don’t tell me what is true
don’t tell me what will be
just show me who you
are by way of what you choose
for someone you can’t see
so whatever you do
don’t tell me what is true
don’t tell me what will be
just show me who you
are by way of what you choose
for someone you don’t need
you could choose me but you don’t
you still choose to tell me that
you would choose me every time
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7. |
i am medusa
03:06
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you taught me
boys will be boys
and, oh, god is a man
and, oh, when you're destroyed
they destroy you again
and again and again
all because a girl's face
is what everyone knows
we're supposed to erase
like medusa
child of despair
revenant angel
truth in her hair
whispering wisdom
reminders to eat
that it won't be long now
before your defeat
and the end of
boys will be boys
and of god is a man
and of getting destroyed
and then destroyed again
and again and again
by the real world's demands
the disgrace of this wasteland
of gods and of men saying
divine right is sacred
my body is vacant
they ask me what i wore
as if a dress could stop the sea
the snake is a liar
what's outside's inside her
come meet my eyes
you'll never look away
i am medusa
child of despair
revenant angel
truth in my hair
whispering wisdom
reminders to eat
to know your deceptions
to know your defeat
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8. |
the rain's not pouring
03:21
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it’s 10:30 on a sunday morning
and the rain’s not pouring
but it’s there
down in the city on a different floor
i’m sure you’re dancing away
all your cares
but i’ve got you in my body here
in the backs of my legs
and my brain
you’re coming at me like that constant fear
i’m a monster
nobody will tame
would you have chosen to be with me now
that you know how it goes
in the end
your good intent took out my settle down
now it sounds like we’re not
even friends
but i remember you were telling me
that our strength was in how
we would fight
so now i’m hanging on that memory
where you say “nothing’s wrong”
but i know nothing’s right
i need you back
i need you back
i need you back
imagine that
i miss being your nobody
who does things that
nobody else does
so i’ll sing this song for nobody
‘cause nobody’s who
i always was
i need you back
i need you back
i need you back
imagine that
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9. |
johnny and your mom
04:35
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johnny and your mom did a number on you
one to hold you down with ideas of who
you are supposed to be for the other to use
the other to abuse
and you know then
that i come along and i run into you
and that we are the same
by the way we've been through
being autie girls and suffering abuse
and passing it on to me baby
so show me a story
cause baby we're boring
and nobody believes a word we say
we think that we keep it
we keep it a secret
but baby we keep giving it away
this isn't a plot twist
it's easy to spot this
when we go back to what we first believe
it's superobjective
it's always projected
it was always there for everyone to see
that david and my mom did a number on me
one to tell me no, and the other to agree
that i could never be anything i'd ever be
or he would come for me
again and
i'd be saying no, like before, daddy, stop
and time would seem to slow
every time i check the clocks
i can see
they been runnin’
without me
i keep hidin’ underneath
this machine you've made me
i show you my story
'cause baby i'm boring
and nobody believes me anyway
i think it's a secret
that i still believe it
that i deserve to be abused today
it's easy to spot this
this isn't a plot twist
when i go back to what i first believe
it's superobjective
it's always projected
and it's always there for everyone to see
that johnny and your mom did a number on you
one spins you around while the other keeps provin’
that you'll be the abuser
or you'll be the abused
and i see what you're choosin' baby
you show me your story
'cause you think you're boring
and no one will believe me anyway
show me what you've lived through
what you've been taught to do
to anybody standing in your way
this isn't a plot twist
it's easy to spot this
when you go back to what you first believe
it's superobjective
it's always projected
it was always there for everyone to see
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seranine Seattle, Washington
seattle autistic intersex transgender woman of color.
insights on my whole life at seranine.com.
support my work at patreon.com/seranine.
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