1. |
medicine
06:02
|
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|
i wish i'd hit you before i'd raped you
then you could have got away
see i'm as slippery as i made you
because i mean what i say
in earlier evenings i'd make you
promises sealed by the lake
a padded kitchen to rot and grate you
the open wound of the day
there's never quite enough medicine
there's never quite enough medicine
i am still
slippin' back in from our short all night dance
both so relieved you weren't late
never emerge from an experience
similar to this unscathed
and i didn't stick with masturbation
i guess those people are brave
some people are decoration
and all the rest are diseased
there's never quite enough medicine
there's never quite enough prescription
there's never quite enough see you then
there's never quite enough anything
now
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2. |
i only care
03:15
|
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|
it's nice to have found
you again now
and hearing that you
are doing well is nice too
but you should be down
and crawling around
and stuck next to me
eight years ago to the week
with no growing up
no moving on
and no getting over
all of the things i did wrong
you see what i mean
i only care about what happened to me
now you know
your opinion of me
was right all the way back when you were fifteen
now you know
why i won't talk
why i'm so down
what hearing from you
has brought up out of the ground
what i don't get
what i don't know
and more than anything else
what i can never let go
'cause i hurt you bad
didn't i hurt you just once
but it took you some time
to figure out who i was
you see what i mean
i only care about what happened to me
now you know
these mistakes that i've made
are things i'll carry with me into my grave
off i go
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3. |
a diving lesson
04:23
|
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|
i heard you whimper
i heard you moan
'cause things aren't going well
for you at home
i'm aware of it
you screamed it at your phone
i'll take care of you
if you're lover's not at home
and i know
it'll all die down
so i'll go
when our time runs out
i heard you're tired
i heard you're down
i heard your boyfriend
is out of town
let's talk about
what's wrong with him
let's act it out
what should have been
'cause my wife
won't call me here
and i cry
it's so wrong what we start to do
then i dive
wherever you want me to
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4. |
||||
|
for all the ways
you've lifted me
there ought to be
no complaints
i should never be let down
i should never be let down
but i am
i should never be let down
i should never be let down
for all the hands
i've been lent
i should have been
a better man
i should never be let down
i should never be let down
but i am
i should never be let down
i should never be let down
|
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5. |
the spirit & the letter
02:45
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|
i remember this one time
the three of us went out together
late in the afternoon
the early evening
the california weather but
what escapes me
are all those little things
like what you ordered
and what you had to drink
but i know that
you didn't get what you wanted to get
you didn't sit where you wanted to sit
you couldn't be who you wanted to be
because when you went home
you went home with me
it's not the kind of dream i had in mind but
it was nice until i opened my eyes
one more discovery i've made too late in life
is that being married
is just like being alive
it's nice until you open your eyes
i remember thinking of
the silliness of a contractual obligation
between two parties in love
a business arrangement
with provisions for separation
it's emotional
it's logical
the spirit & the letter
well
they haven't fared much better
than we did
i didn't get what i thought i could get
because the things that you said
were not the things that you meant
you couldn't be who you wanted to be
because when you went home
you went home with me
it's not the kind of dream i had in mind but
it was nice until i opened my eyes
one more discovery i've made too late in life
is that being married
is just like being alive
it's nice until you open your eyes
i remember this one time you said
promise me that you'll always be mine
and i did and i never changed my mind
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6. |
my old life
03:56
|
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|
when i borrow your car
it doesn't matter that it's old and
when i borrow your car
it doesn't matter that it's slow and
when i borrow your car
it doesn't matter where i'm going
just for the trip it feels like
i'm headed back to my old life
just for the trip it feels like
i'm headed back to my old life
when i borrow your car
it doesn't matter who i owe and
when i borrow your car
it doesn't matter who i know and
when i borrow your car
it doesn't matter where i'm going
just for the trip it feels like
i'm headed back to my old life
just for the trip it feels like
i'm headed back to my old life
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7. |
keep you
04:13
|
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|
i
think
i know what you need
a lie
a cheat
someone like me
a real
fan
of fantasy
a big
man
who's
dreamin' big dreams
last
night
while you were asleep
logged
out
of reality
and
felt
like i meant something
the head
bitch
or
a virtual queen
but i can't sleep
trying to keep you pleased
with me
and i can't breathe
trying to keep you pleased
with me
|
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8. |
i've lived too long
02:55
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i'm well-spoken but i don't speak up that much now
i'm articulate about emptiness
how my life's a mess
and i'm much less than i was eight years ago
when i could stand up on my own
i've lived too long
i've lived too long
i'm all smiles when all eyes are on me all the time
and i'm lean and pressed
in my speech and dress
and in other senses
that i don't mention outside of a song
without the voice that's never wrong
i've lived too long
i've lived too long
i can tell by the look in your eye
that getting by
is not alright anymore
i can hear in the weight of your sigh
that it's killing you
that you adore me
i'm displaced i'm out of this time
i've read the books and i've seen all the signs
and there's just no reason why
i should be alive
i'm so tired
i'm so uninspired all the time
the endlessness
to this restlessness
is too great a test
for me to pass
when i just don't belong
when my will has finally gone
i've lived too long
i've lived too long
i've lived too long
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9. |
standing room only
03:27
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there's a god
there's proof in everything
there's a god
took you away from me
and blessed me
with disabilities
and abiding faith
in things that cannot be
i'd pack the palace 'til it's standing room only
but i start my day off with a pill that makes me sleep
there's no end to my complaints about these things
but you're tired of listening to me
i see god
everywhere i look
i see god
punishing the good
by giving them
a taste of what they need
then setting it
and keeping it
just barely out of reach
i'd pack the palace 'til it's standing room only
but i start my day off with a pill that makes me sleep
there's no end to my complaints about these things
but you're tired of listening to me
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seranine Seattle, Washington
seattle autistic intersex transgender woman of color.
insights on my whole life at seranine.com.
support my work at patreon.com/seranine.
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