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i call my dad

from signs of a struggle by seranine

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lyrics

i’ve been me
for a few years now
at least i think
what i remember
what’s always been so
in my body
is

this pain in my heart
this pain in my head
this pain in the back of my mouth that
i call my dad
this pain in my legs
this pain in my back
this hand closing down on my throat that
i call my dad

is why i can sing
like you demanded
songs of you and me
but kimberly
what are you asking
i write in agony
with

this pain in my heart
this pain in my head
this pain in the back of my mouth that
i call my dad
this pain in my legs
this pain in my back
this hand closing down on my throat that
i call my dad

who taught me birds and bees
and antifreeze and gasoline
and shoving things where they shouldn’t go
tell me of what i inevitably
have to be
then punish me for not being so
but i have never been a boy
and i have never been a man
i have only been destroying myself
by your command
so you can keep your gaslights gaslighting
your movie screens
and block out
what you already know

this pain in my heart
this pain in my head
this pain in the back of my mouth that
i call my dad
this pain in my legs
this pain in my back
this hand closing down on my throat that
i call my dad

credits

from signs of a struggle, released April 12, 2019
© 2018 seranine elliot

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all rights reserved

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about

seranine image

seranine Seattle, Washington

seattle autistic intersex transgender woman of color.

insights on my whole life at seranine.com.

support my work at patreon.com/seranine.

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